I remember the way my heart pounded in my ears as I turned my minivan into the church parking lot on a hot Sunday afternoon in late summer.
My family had started attending a new church a few months before and, in an effort to get involved, I told my husband I wanted to go to the women’s prayer night. He agreed to watch the kids and encouraged me out the door. But I instantly regretted my decision as I put the van in park and took a deep breath.
I whispered a frustrated prayer, “Lord, I don’t know anyone here. I’m not good at small talk. Who will I sit with? What was I thinking?”
It wasn’t the first time I felt intimidated walking into a social event. As an introvert, I’m familiar with the sweaty palms and awkward silences that come with meeting new people. I am by nature a wallflower, easily overlooked, often shrinking into the background.
For years, my personality was my excuse for not showing up to events like women’s prayer nights. I didn’t like the uncomfortable feeling that came with being vulnerable. I wasn’t really good with people. I was better off at home.
And while I felt God drawing me out of my hiding, calling me to take a step of obedience toward him by opening my heart to others, I felt stuck.
Maybe you feel stuck sometimes, too.
If you do, you’re in good company. Often the biggest obstacles in the way of following after God’s plans for our lives are our own shortcomings. The ones we can’t stop focusing on.
You might be surprised to hear that even biblical heroes, the ones who seem like super spiritual humans, struggled with this. Take Moses for example. When Moses encountered God at the burning bush, God asked Moses to deliver the Israelites from Egypt. And while Moses clearly heard the call to obedience, he was stuck staring at his own shortcomings.
“But Moses said to the Lord, ‘Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.’” (Exod. 4:10 ESV)
Moses didn’t feel equipped for the calling God laid before him. If I said a similar prayer, it might sound like, “Oh, my Lord, I am not confident, but I am slow of social interaction and small talk.”
What would you’re prayer be?
While we may feel unequipped for the task before us, we can be sure that God isn’t fazed by our shortcomings. His answer in Exodus 4 brings me deep encouragement.
“Then the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?’” (Exod. 4:11 ESV)
God took into account Moses’s shortcomings when he met him in fiery flames on holy ground. He didn’t make a mistake when he called Moses to lead his people. And he didn’t make a mistake in you.
God told Moses, “Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” (Exod. 4:12 ESV)
If God said the same thing to me, it might sound like, “Go, I will be with your personality!”
What would he say to you?
In my walk with God, I have found myself stuck many times. I concentrate so hard on the obstacle before me, trying to figure out a way around it. I get discouraged when I see others doing something similar like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Overwhelmed by my own shortcomings, this quickly becomes a place of stagnant defeat.
This is the place where I want to quit. This is the place where I want to put my van in reverse and drive back home. This is the place where I decide women’s prayer nights and Sunday school gatherings and Bible studies at Starbucks just aren’t for my awkward personality.
But, if we’re listening, this is the place where God whispers, Go, just go. I will be with you.
And that hot Sunday afternoon, I did.
I walked into the women’s prayer night with shaky hands, a dread in my chest, and a plastered smile on my face. And I walked out encouraged with a handful of new acquaintances that eventually became friends.
I’ve walked into many women’s prayer nights since then. What once seemed impossible feels easy and natural. Now, new steps of obedience feel intimidating as God calls me deeper into following after him.
With each step I’m learning what Moses must have known as he stood before Pharaoh, as he walked on dry land through the Red Sea, as he ate manna in the wilderness, as he watched water flow from a rock: we serve a God who always comes through.
When we see obstacles, God sees opportunity.
Friend, God doesn’t want you to live stuck. Today, He’s leaning over your shoulder, gently nudging you to go, just go. Show up imperfectly. Get it wrong, Do it scared. He will be with you.