For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with self-consciousness. There was a stint, before 3rd grade when I was unashamedly confident, but mean comments, embarrassments, and my own resentment of my shy, introverted personality chipped away at that innocence until I found it easier to hide myself from a world full of standards I couldn’t live up to. My rules for survival were simple: don’t speak up and don’t stand out.
I was in my late 20s, married with little children, still struggling with the same low self-esteem from elementary school when I heard a truth that changed my perspective. A Bible study leader pointed out that self-consciousness isn’t humility, it’s pride. I was shocked and a little offended to hear this. How could someone call me prideful? I was rarely proud of myself, never self-inflated or self-promoting (I was too busy disliking myself for that!). But, as she pointed out, even though it was negative pride, I was still focused on that little word, “self”.
What I hadn’t factored into my rules to not speak up and not stand out, was the reality that I wasn’t just hiding myself from the world, I was hiding myself from God. Without realizing it, I had wrapped caution tape around my heart and labeled myself UNUSABLE.
The post originally appeared on The Love Offering blog series by Rachael Adams. Read the full article here.