Have you ever walked into a room full of people, heart pounding, with this single thought racing through your mind: Will they like me? That was me, five years ago, on the verge of sharing my story with my new small group.
We formed a circle, and one-by-one, each woman began to share a little bit about her life. As the woman beside me wrapped up her story, my palms grew sweaty.
What will they think of me? Will they like me? Will they accept me?
I knew deep down they were godly, trustworthy women, but something inside me still hesitated to fully open up.
I didn’t realize it then but my fear of other’s opinions was rooted in a deep sense of inferiority born from past shame. That shame led me to build up walls that made it hard to be my authentic self. And that night in small group was no different.
Because shame can cause us to keep our guard up, we can be surrounded by people and yet feel completely alone. Not only can it cause us to withdraw from others, but it can cause us to withdraw from God.
During that time, I had become somewhat of a ‘grace resister’, and was pretty hard on myself. When I lost my temper on my kids or fell into a bad habit again, I hesitated to approach God. I thought, is he really willing to forgive me yet again? I felt the distance I was creating and I didn’t like it.
One fall evening, when I was feeling especially lonely, a friend invited me to a night of worship. You know those times when God is clearly calling you to be somewhere, but the Enemy fights you every step of the way? (If you’ve ever tried to get to church on a Sunday morning with young kids, you know exactly what I mean!) Well this was one of those days.
Not only did I just not feel like going but it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Despite the obstacles, somehow I managed to get there–and on time, no less. When I arrived, the worship team shared they would be singing a new song called, “Sing Again”, which they had recently written.
As the first chords of the new song filled the room, I closed my eyes. Then the words came—words I didn’t know I needed until they reached my ears:
The Enemy tried to steal my song
To shut my mouth and hold my tongue
Shame stole my melody
But grace sang it back to me
Tears filled my eyes as I stood up, hands lifted toward the sky:
Heavy burdened, come sing again
Sad and lonely, come sing again
Lost and running, I want you to sing again
Not only did God want me to recognize that it was time to “sing again”—to share my story and really be known by others—but He also wanted me to be fully known by Him.
The truth is, we are all designed to be fully known–by God and by others. The Enemy knows this which is why he stops at nothing to keep us isolated–to keep us from sharing our heart with God and our testimony with others. Hiding may feel like protection but it’s our vulnerability that sets us free.
If you find yourself in that same emotionally distant place I was in, rest assured that you are safe to approach God today. We are reminded in Hebrews 4:16 that we can “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” (ESV)
Approaching with confidence means you can come to God fully you—no masks, no walls. The throne of grace in this passage is a reverent reference to God’s presence– which is full of grace.
Not only does God want us to approach him boldly and openly but he desires to truly know us. Maybe you’re thinking, but doesn’t he already know us? To grasp this more deeply, we need to understand how the Hebrew word for “know” is used throughout the Old Testament. The Hebrew word for know, yada, goes beyond just intellectual knowing; it signifies an intimate, experiential knowing. In Psalm 139, David uses yada seven times to express the comfort he receives from God’s deep, personal, experiential knowing of him.
Friend, this is life-changing when we grasp it! It’s not enough for the God of the universe to just cognitively know you, he wants to experience life with you. He deeply cares about you and what you’re going through. He loves you so much that he wants you to continually come to him boldly and openly which he made possible by sending his son Jesus. Because of our great High Priest, Jesus Christ, we now have access to God 24/7, because he first wanted access to us. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus.
Last year, I joined a year-long discipleship group where I could be fully me—sharing the good, bad, and ugly. It was one of the most authentic and healing groups I’ve ever been part of. As the group wrapped up, one of our leaders, Tina, asked us to choose a word to describe our experience. My word? Known. It captured my heart toward those ladies and God. As we celebrated, Tina gave me a bracelet with my word etched into the silver. It sits on my wrist as a daily reminder that the God of the universe wants to truly know me, to truly yada me. And he wants the same with you sweet friend. Will you let him in? Will you sing again, sharing your story with others and your heart with God?
About the Author
Amanda Hayhurst is an author and holds a Master's in Biblical and Theological Studies from Dallas Theological Seminary. She has been featured in Guidepost, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Focus on the Family and recently released her first book, Pray for Him, which was a newly released best seller on Amazon. She has a passion for encouraging others and considers herself a hype woman for other women. She has been married to her husband, Marcus, for fifteen years and gives God all the glory. They cherish every moment spent with their two young boys and adult bonus daughter.
Connect with her on Instagram @amandahayhurstwrites
